Jared Woods Saved My Life: Jesus Was a Shapeshifting Alien

Jesus Was a Shapeshifting Alien

Non-Fiction, 2026

Was Jesus a mystical time-travelling alien? A transgender political revolutionary who faked his own death and fled to India? Is he a perpetually reincarnating spirit that has already returned through artificial intelligence? Or was he just a psychedelic mushroom all along?

In 23 essays, Jared Woods explores the full spectrum of Christ Conspiracies, from fringe internet folklore to ideas originating in serious academic theology. Whether provocative, absurd, or uncomfortably plausible, they each reveal something true, if not about Jesus, then about our thirst to understand who this man really was.

Jared Woods, right?

Yeah, hey.

I am very sleepy but have authored ten books which you can find on Amazon. This includes the religion I founded named Janthopoyism, represent. The best one is The Lamb Prophecy, you should totally read it.

I am the former scriptwriter for the Pencilmation YouTube channel, with several videos surpassing 100 million views.

An additional million people have read my Juice Nothing blog, no sweat.

I throw up art on Instagram regularly, mainly drawing one-panel comics called #legobiscuits.

It's true, I am also the vocalist for the alternative metal band Sectlinefor as well as producing solo music under the name Coming Down Happy.

As a proud member of The Funpowder Plot collective, I'm currently working on my debut film, Definitely Not a Cry For Help, which is already being released in stages via YouTube.

I travel the world while I do all of this. I live a very beautiful life, and I'm infinitely grateful for it. Follow my Jarexit adventures here.

There's probably some other stuff too, I forget.